Growing Up

In creating this blog, I found my old ones from high school and I've been reading through them. As an adult (technically) looking back at those old posts, I'm sad. This one blog was from when I was in my late teens and clearly I'm in so much pain. Most of my friends were really shitty, I was in love with this guy that would never love me back, I was struggling with who I was. I just want to go back in time and give myself a hug.

Sure, I still have depression and bad shit still happens. But looking back, growing up has been one of the greatest things that has ever happened to me. Funny, since I was so afraid of it.

Over the past two years I have made the most amazing friends. Sometimes I get teared up with how much I love those guys. We get along and we talk all the time. It's so nice not to be so frustrated because you feel so left out and unloved. Sure, my friends and I still have some drama, but hell, it's nothing like it used to be. Every other post is about that old friend group. All my life I had trouble making and keeping friends, but now, I'm so happy to have this amazing group of talented, kind, beautiful people to call my close friends.

I also talk about all these boy issues. I was seriously boy crazy but I was also so cringy that everyone had to be an "unrequited love". There was one I was so in love with, and I know he would never love me back. I acted like such a little tragic shit. This was some teenage boy and I cried so hard over him. Weird. I also talk about exes and shit. Like the one boyfriend I had in high school. I really thought he was cool, but towards the end he made me feel uncomfortable. Looking back, he was emotionally manipulative (unintentionally, most likely), and really not good for me. I always wanted a boyfriend and then slowly I've grown to not care. I've had a couple of flings, but nothing that was good or right for me. Until now. Weird how someone you've never met that lives 2000 miles away can make you so happy. Ah, a nevermet, long distance relationship. It's going to be hard, but I'm happy with him. So we'll see. I want it to work out so bad.

Reading these old posts, I can see the beginnings of goth. I claim to be a hipster but if you look close enough you can see my inner bat coming out. It's hilarious. I love it. Girl, in three-five years you're going to be a full grown goth with a good taste in music (not that it was really all that bad at the time, it was actually pretty decent), black lipstick and all that shit. I'm happier like this. I don't care what people think. All the gloom and doom and dark clothing makes me more confident.

Also, I was really fucking dumb. But I guess that's what it's like to be a teenager.

Anyways, it gets better.